Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Countdown to Costa...

Well, my dear friend Kathy left for Costa Rica yesterday. She's been counting down the days for a long, long time, and now the time has come. You can hear a little bit about her story by watching this news clip.
Kathy is who I have to thank for being able to go to Costa Rica so quickly. I met her online a few months ago and she put in a good word for me with Passport Mecical. Thank you Kathy!!! I am praying for you!! Can't wait to meet you in person.

There are so many emotions going on as I prepare to head to Costa Rica. My biggest fear is that I will get there and they will tell me that I don't have CCSVI and that there is nothing that they can do for me. I know that this is unlikely, and it wouldn't even worry me if I was going on my own dime, but because I am using the generous donations of so many people who sacrificed so much to get me here, it scares me that I will let everyone down. It's kind of an odd thing to hope for the drs to find something wrong (CCSVI or narrowing in my veins), but at least if they find something wrong, it can be fixed. When it comes to this disease, a problem that actually has a solution would be fantastic!!! Yes, they have already found narrowing in my veins, but I can't get formally diagnosed with CCSVI until I get there, so keep your fingers crossed and please say a little prayer for me.

Another thing that I am dreading is leaving my sweet children. My sister Brynn is watching my oldest three and my Aunt Callie is keeping Jonah. I know that this is a huge sacrifice for both of them and words cannot begin to express my gratitude. It means so much to me to know that, if I have to leave them, they will be in good hands. But even with this knowledge, I am not looking forward to being without them. I feel like I'm leaving my heart at home. I keep trying to stay positive and remind myself that I am doing this for them. I want to be around for them. I want to be a healthy mom and I want to be able to grow old and enjoy them and their families when they are grown. These are hopes that, just a few months ago, I had given up on.

But my main feeling is this. No matter what happens, no matter what the outcome is in Costa Rica, I know that I am supposed to go. I prayed about this decision and feel very strongly that this is what I am supposed to do. Whether or not that this is the answer for my MS, I do not know, but I know that I'm supposed to go. I sincerely hope and pray that the reason I need to go is because it will improve my life and lessen the effects of this disease.

But even if this is not the answer I'm looking for with the MS, I know that there is a plan for me. I know that God knows me and loves me. I know that He knows exactly what is in store for me and my family, and the peace that comes from this knowledge is enough to keep me going.

I always think blogs without pictures are boring:) So here is a recent picture of the kids and I with my sweet Great Aunt Barbara. Her sister passed away a couple of weeks ago, bless her heart.

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